I want to type freely for a bit and get some things off my chest because honestly I am exhausted. Physically and mentally. I feel completely defeated.
Honestly, if it were just my body that was sore and tired, I could live with it. Tell myself to stop being a wimp and push through. And I’ve been doing just that. Sunday I went for a jog/walk and my legs have been screaming for two days. Did that stop me from finishing three miles today? I think not.
So yes, I can push through this physical exhaustion but my soul has been crushed and I’m struggling with that tonight.
So here is what I’m dealing with:
1. I received an email from Rutgers/UMDNJ (they merged on 7/1/13) about tuition.
“Please be advised that full payment for non-matriculated course(s) is due within 5 business days from the date of receipt of this confirmation email. If payment is not made within the allotted time you will be dropped from the above listed course(s).”
I was certain I had longer to pay. The fall semester begins September 3 and the Academic Calender states tuition is due on that date. I do not have the amount they are needing and definitely not by the end of the week. I’ve been planning to attend this institution for the last 18 months. I applied last year before I even completed my Associates degree and was deferred a year to become DTR certified. I’ve been applying for every scholarship that is even remotely available to me and some much work has been done so I feel like I’ve been derailed.
Once I calmed down from the initial shock, I realized I still have a couple options and I plan to make those phone calls in the morning. And of course prayers have been going up as well. I have to keep telling myself that My God has a plan for me and He will work out a path for me.
2. My husband went for a doctor’s appointment and came home to tell me the doctor wants to do a biopsy and it has been scheduled for 3 weeks. If you know my husband you would understand why this is terrible news. He is normally a nervous wreck on a daily basis, it’s genetic. I’m reminded of the line from Pride and Prejudice:
“…You have no compassion on my poor nerves.” Mrs. Bennet
“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.” Mr. Bennet
We’ve been married for seven years and I’ve learned that my dear husband worries about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!!! I have accepted it as part of our lives. And I have to realize that for the next three weeks he is going to be worried and a little moody. His mind always goes to the worst.
I was a little surprised this evening when he offered to sell his car to help me pay tuition. Such a sweet gesture, but I turned him down. I know he does not work and he does not necessarily need a large vehicle but I need to know that if I or our children need him he has reliable transportation. I have tried not to worry him with the school situation but it seems he has picked up on my worry.
Well, this is why my heart is so heavy tonight. It may not seem like much to some of you but it is huge to me and any suggestions, comments or inspiration will be greatly received. Thank you.